What’s happening to me?

I’ve gone from rational to irrational, from pristine to vulvarine, from frigid to feral.

And I don’t know who or what to blame.

I thought I’d mature like a fine wine, so why am I becoming a very dry martini? 

I’ve always been hot — but now I’m boiling. 

I knew climate change was bad, but how did it get into my bits and bobs? Does my body need a total fire ban?

Is it politics? The Right and the Left are cracking it at each other — meanwhile I’m cracking it at everyone.

Is it all the pressure? The cost of living? The cost of speaking? The cost of laser hair removal?

Is it my family? My marriage? My career? 

Being human comes at a huge price and that hurts, especially for a cheapskate like me.

If I don’t get answers soon, I’m going to start looking up mushroom recipes.

Join Effie as she untangles the mass of grey matter that is the physical summit of female evolution.